Facial Recognition

Dedication to your child now comes in the form of face tattoos. Julie and I have no idea who Amber Rose is. Trawling through the esteemed Law Society Gazette online service however, inexplicably drew us to her name and to her beautiful face. We still can’t work out how we were reading the critique of Judge Tatton’s controversial family ruling one minute and the next, looking at Amber Rose and her tattoos. It surely can’t have been anything to do with the allure of gossip on showbiz web pages - that is not how we spend our time, oh no.

We lead very sheltered lives, Julie and I. Bizarrely we thought that dedication to your children meant wiping their noses, testing their spelling and telling them to hurry up and get into bed before you count to ten. You know, old style.

I now feel that I have failed as a mother. I have no tattoos, either of my son’s name or anyone else or of anything. I do not even have his name on a T-shirt. Shame on me. All I have done and continue to do is feed, clothe, listen to him and feign interest in his extra curricular activities. Lately, additional duties such as putting a waste paper basket beside his bed for the result of late night drinking sessions, have also come into the picture.

I really cannot bring myself to do any more. Clients sometimes have to go the extra mile. They have to put their children’s needs and wishes before their own at the most vulnerable and difficult stage of their life. One of the most painful but most important parts of a family lawyer’s job is to help them get the best for their child.

I will not be recommending face tattoos as a suitable way of showing their commitment to the Court. Call me old fashioned, I just think solid advice, born of experience tends to work better. In fact I would definitely advise against a facial name tattoo, picturing as I do, the horrified face of a local family Judge having to read the name of the child on their parent’s face.

Even more concerning however, is that you might not look as cool as you think. Poor old Amber has the name Slash written across her forehead, presumably oblivious to the fact that this is English slang for having a pee.